The Sound of Music (1965)
tumblr fucked me up so bad i kept expecting something ridiculous to happen at the end like a still of her telling the kids to go fuck themselves smh
Same here. I kept thinking I was going to happen upon Ray, a beam from a laser gun or something.
You’re not wrong.
The autopsy performed at the request of the family says “Mr. Brown, 18, was also shot four times in the right arm, he said, adding that all the bullets were fired into his front.”
Depression (and all of the myriad of mental illnesses that are placed under that umbrella: anxiety, bipolar disorder, etc) is different for every person. What works for one, may not work for another, and may not even work for that one 100% of the time. You have to keep seeking, keep searching for the answer. And the answer may not be what you think it is. It may not be “happiness”. Of course, that’s what we all want (isn’t it?), but sometimes the most we can get is “this too shall pass”.
No one is happy all of the time. That can be easy to forget, especially in this age of social media where we all carefully select how we present ourselves. We take tens and hundreds of pictures with the touch of a button, select the one we like most, show the “perfect” one to the world, trash the rest.
I’ve been struggling with anxiety or depression or whatever it might be for awhile now. I first made an appointment to talk to someone around the time Dash turned 1. I didn’t keep that appointment. Over the past few years I’ve talked several times about possibly needing to see someone or go on medication or something, anything. There were times when my own personal demons lied to me, horribly, and I believed every word.
I finally made an appointment (and kept it) in March of this year. I couldn’t believe how much it helped just to talk to someone. I thought “This is great. I feel so much better. I’m so glad I can put this behind me.” I thought I was “cured”.
Yesterday, I had one of the worst anxiety attacks I can remember. It wasn’t the intensity of it so much (I’ve had them were it’s hard to breathe) but the duration. As I was struggling to make it through the day, I hit upon the analogy that worked for me, at that time.
You know when you go on a roller coaster? My dad and I used to ride the Desperado in Primm, Nevada all the time. You get in the cart, put on your seat belt, the safety bar comes down and you know you’re safe. Thousands of people ride ride this ride every week and no one ever gets hurt and you are safe. And the first thing that happens is you have to climb the big hill that makes the rest of the ride exciting. You’re nervous, and excited and maybe a little bit scared, climbing that big hill, waiting for the big drop.
That’s what my anxiety felt like yesterday. I don’t know what triggered it and I don’t know what eventually made it better, but I felt like I was gripping the safety bar, climbing the big hill, nervous and scared (nothing exciting about this particular ride though) and waiting for the big fun drop that never came. Logically, I knew I was safe. That’s what the therapy has done for me. A few months ago, I wouldn’t have even had that safety bar to hold on to. I would just have been adrift in a sea of fear and hopelessness, sure that I was never going to be happy again. Now, I know it is a passing thing. It feels endless when it happens, but it does end. Today, (and even late last night) I was able to laugh, get excited about the project I’m working on, and even find joy in small things. Yesterday, that wasn’t possible.
Please, if you have troubling thoughts, of hopelessness, self-harm, suicide or anything else, please seek help. It will get better. You may have to try several options/treatments before you hit on the one that works for you, but please, keep trying. Whatever demons there may be whispering to you, I promise you they are lying.
You are worthy of love and hope and happiness. And you are worth fighting for.
This video prompted me to write this.
Repeat this as often as you need. Don’t for one second believe anything it says.
And if you need to take a break from the internet for a while because discussing depression/suicide is a trigger for you…it’s ok. Take all the time you need. We’ll be here when you get back. Hugs.
5. Is there a situation where you caved into peer pressure and regretted it?
If so it’s been a long time. I think in high school we did some silly things that, looking back, were not the smartest things to do (stealing lawn animals :-/) bu that’s probably the worst of it.
3. If you were far from home and needed to sleep for the night, would you choose to rent a crappy motel room for $60 or sleep in your car for free?
Depends on the situation. If I had the money to spare I’d spend it but if it was between that and using the money for something more fun with the family I’d do the car thing.
7. Do you like vanilla candles?
They’re not my favorite but my husband likes them so I tolerate them (just like he tolerates my berry scented ones) and some are definitely better than others.
11. What did you have for breakfast?
Leftover Mac and Cheese! The breakfast of champions!
17. If you could see any musician live, front row, who would you choose?
I’m kind of fixated on Weird Al right now so that would be really cool. I’d also love to see Daft Punk live!
22. Do you still talk to any of your ex’s?
I don’t really have any. I had a “boyfriend” for a week after my senior year of high school and then met my husband a few months after that.
28. Whats the next movie you want to see in theaters?
My kidlets and I are going to see Mr. Peabody and Sherman at the summer kids movie tomorrow… But I’m really curious about Guardians of the Galaxy and hope to see that soon!
Thanks for the questions, lilwhee!